a work in progress

when i feel old(est)

When I step back and look at my chronic pain, there is one element that bothers me above all else. It’s not the constant physical discomfort, the difficulty sleeping, or that small issue of how nearly everything is harder; it’s the feeling like an old lady. Sure, the fact that we share a lot of ailments has brought my 85-year-old grandmother and me closer together, but that’s not enough to let me overlook all that comes with it.

I feel old when…

…I get a perfectly lovely invitation to a very chill weeknight event, and because I did something after work the night before I’m feeling like it’s too much and I should say no. (I feel even older when I do say no and am so happy I did because I get to catch up on some needlepoint).

…I’m completely spent from sitting.

…making the bed is a challenge.

…I walk into a party and look for a place to sit.

…everyone knows where “my spot” in the den is (aka, the only place I can semi-comfortably watch TV).

…people offer to carry things for me.

…I use a cane (even though it’s a super stylish one from Top & Derby) or an elevated potty seat.

…people ask me what I’ve been up to and I talk about what shows I’m watching.

…people who have 40 years on me offer their seat because they feel I need it more.

…I have to pick up each leg one at a time to get into bed.

…the first question people ask is “how are you feeling?”


I’m sure I’ll end up adding more as time goes on; I’d love to hear your favorites!


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