finding balance

 

still moving

my sister, susie, finding her balance as she does yoga on a wooden rail

There was a certain level of comfort I associated with treating my chronic illnesses with the more “traditional” approaches we associate with Westernized medicine. I might not have enjoyed relying on doctors, surgeries, and pharmaceuticals to keep me going, but I was used to it. And in a body that felt…well…uncomfortable most of the time, I found an unexpected peace in maintaining this low level of functioning day after day.

I guess I could have waited until I “got better” before I gave up the safety net that pharmaceuticals provided, but having no confidence that would happen, I went for it, sure that there would be other things onto which I could hold. As time goes on, however, I realize that my old safety nets don’t offer me the same level of comfort they once did. The doctors that used to provide quick fixes to treat my symptoms no longer have anything to offer me. I’m not consulting with the surgeons I was last year because their options are limited and if I’m being honest, terrifying. I still need help though, and I still have a whole lot of questions and very few answers.

Luckily, the answers to my questions are out there, I just have to keep trudging along. Because I know that my case isn’t as odd as former physicians made it out to be. [I’m pretty sure what they called complicated was really just their response for I have no idea what to do.] I’m also lucky in that there are people in my life in full support of what I’m pursuing, and I’m constantly working on making that circle larger.

But today I’m unbalanced.

The crazy thing is that the more I learn the farther off-center I feel. An entire world of alternative methods to treat our body, mind, and spirit is ahead of me, and each step I take into that world I see how incredibly vast it is.

Maybe that unbalanced feeling is okay, though. It might feel like life is in a more tumultuous state than it was a year ago, but I don’t think that means that it is. Ignorance may be bliss, but it certainly didn’t serve me.

1 Comment

  1. There will always exist in life those entities in medicine that defy explanation and that leave us in search of an explanation beyond what allopathic medicine can define. I love nothing more than to be able to define a patient’s illness and propose a cure or palliative remedy, as this is what brings me a sense of both self worth and accomplishment. Not every aspect of human life is quantifiable and to fall short of answers to inexplicable problems is not a mark of physician ignorance or indifference, but rather one of frustration and longing to satisfy that itch among our patients that desperately needs to be scratched. I work with patients who’s journeys I know will be life long in pursuit of answers and I know I likely won’t be their epiphany but I hang in their with them for the long haul and never give up.

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