a work in progress

new year, new…?

new years resolution -stillmovingblog.com

At just over a week into the new year, I’m perhaps a little late on this post. I mean, it’s already January 9th. Haven’t most resolutions been abandoned by now? If that is, in fact, the case, I’m right on time.

Towards the end of December when all the “What are your resolutions?” questions were in full force, I made the careful decision not to get too wrapped up in it. Strict goal-setting doesn’t usually serve me well. I end up so laser-focused on the intention that I’ll maintain the behavior at my own detriment just for the sake of saying I did it.

When I do decide to make a change, I try to be very vague and casual about it. I say I want to watch less television instead of I’m not going to watch more than thirty minutes of television each day. I’m going to read a book a month becomes I’m going to read moreI’m going to take care of my body replaces I’m going to workout at least five days each week.*

Because here’s the deal: every day is different from the last. Some moments I need to rest, and others I need to push myself. At times I need to be selfish, but there are other instances when I feel a strong pull to give everything I have to someone else, even at my own expense. This is why my habits wax and wane through the days / weeks / months. Sure, I have overarching intentions that I maintain from day-to-day, but beyond that, I don’t see a need to stand by something just for the sake of sticking to a resolution.

So, what do I want this new year to bring, then? I’m one of the lucky ones who looks back on 2018 fondly. I feel like after a few years of struggle a lot in my life finally began to fall into place. I figured out what it means to accept chronic illness and pain while still working hard to understand ways to lessen the power it has over my life. I met some wonderful people, said goodbye to others, and deepened the relationships I held onto. But still, I have no interest in replaying my beautiful year, and with open arms welcomed 2019. I know that even without a single resolution I’ll find ways to bring even more wonderfulness into the upcoming year.

I am going to try to be less sarcastic, though. Eh, actually maybe not.

*This is a terrible way to make a change, by the way. Goals need to be clearly defined and measurable. So, if you’re unlike me and able to modulate your practice and still reach your desired outcome (or can abandon it without beating yourself up), don’t follow my lead. I’m writing about nothing more than my personal experience.

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