• a work in progress

    what actually makes me better

    As I become more immersed in the idea that the universe has my back compared to the universe-is-conspiring-against-me mentality onto which I held for so long, I am starting to understand where I fit into everything. I’ve read over and over again that when a person’s actions are driven by genuine forces, they experience true joy or happiness or whatever. All of that makes enough sense, right? If we do the things we actually want or need to be doing, we’re going to experience the most joy and live our best lives. But that never really worked for me. There are many times when I feel like my body isn’t on…

  • a work in progress

    moon swoon: by susie ewbank

        The moon is an unstoppable force – and so are you. Since I was in pull-ups I have been a loony lunar lover. It’s just always been my thing! As the proud luna-tic (see what I did there?) in the family, I receive moon-themed birthday cards from them each year. Last year one card stood out – it was from Anne. The moon is an unstoppable force, she wrote, and so are you! I have read and believed for years that the moon impacts all things earthbound. But we are also LIKE the moon – a light in the dark, a powerful source, and a part of something huge…

  • a work in progress,  rx opioid recovery

    one year out

    Tomorrow will mark one year since I went to the Chronic Pain and Recovery Center at Silver Hill Hospital. It’s unusually unsettling to compare where I was then to where I am now, feeling so far from that moment in my life but also not quite ready to celebrate yet. There’s still so much to understand, and so much to shake out. When I identified as a sick person there was an entire community with whom I could comiserate. This past year, however, I set aside any diagnosis that was deemed incurable by standard Western medicine. If a doctor can’t offer me more than tools to manage symtoms, I’ve done…